He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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