I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
