Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
