I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
