Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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