you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
