the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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