I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
