I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
