you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
