My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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