We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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