I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
