dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
