I hope mine doesn't look like that
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
