His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
