Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
