I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
