her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
