I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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