sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
