I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I need to calm my uterus...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
