My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
only if we run a train.
done.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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