You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
