i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
