garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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