drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
