AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
