2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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