two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
