Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
