please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh god it's open bar.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
