I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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