he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He uses pillows to masturbate.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
