you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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