I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
