I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
