I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
