sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
