this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
