the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
