I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
