Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How external is "for external use only"?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
