My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
