yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
