Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
