I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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