Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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