I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
