Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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