part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
