But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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